Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Mel Gibson Raped by a Pack of Comedians

Dear Mel "raped by a Pack Of N****rs" Gibson,

You're in for it now, Mel. Insulting "the Jews" is one thing, but insulting the P.O.N. is quite another. It won't just be stiffly worded editorials for you, this time. If you leave your bunker, you are probably going to get punched in the face a hundred times a day. And that'll be the easy part. Saying what you said, it will be your own fault when you get raped by a pack of lawyers.

Your career is probably over, but if you make another movie like The Passion, full of historical inaccuracies, it will be your own fault when you get raped by a pack of historians. Or, worse (maybe... I don't know anything about the average size of their penises), when you get raped by a pack of Rabbis.

Many packs of various people will be raping you in the future, Mel. And it will all be your own fault. In fact, I am part of a large pack of comedians who are going to have a long, good time burning down your career. Of course, you'll have to blow us first. And after you blow us and we burn your career down, it is going to be your own fault for saying what you said when you get repeatedly raped by a pack of comics.

And why, Mel? Did you not know that talking on a phone means you could be recorded? Do you think only movie cameras record what you say? Are you as ignorant of modern technology as a thirteenth century Scott?

And, Mel, are you really so tone deaf and out of it that you do not know that you could have avoided all this if you'd just said, "raped by a pack of African Americans?" But I guess you just aren't very good with words, Mel. You should keep your mouth shut, or it will be your own fault when you are raped by a pack of linguists. Maybe the linguists will burn your thesaurus down, Mel, and make you fellate them.

Maybe you should wire your jaws closed, Mel. Think of all the people you might insult if you open your mouth, being as insensitive and ignorant as you are. You could find yourself permanently face down on the ground being raped by packs of Kiwis, packs of tailors, packs of cable installers and car detailers and valets. You could be getting raped by packs of dry cleaners and packs of agents and packs of movie reviewers. After what you said, Mel, you might even get raped by a pack of rapists. And that could really sting.

A lot of people want to rape you, Mel, and it’s your own damn fault. Sad. The one bright spot is that you could probably save a ton of money on new clothes if you'd just accept it and spend the next few years not wearing pants.


Anonymous said...

That is REALLY funny!

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Kevin + Brilliant = Genius!!!

Anonymous said...

Walt Hargis HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Kevin + Brilliant = Genius!!!
44 minutes ago · Like ·

Peter Chao too funny! you go Kevin!
6 minutes ago · Like ·

Martin Olson said...

Because gang rape has been an intrinsic part of our Judeo-Christian tradition, I think your helpful essay speaks to Mel's fundamentalist tradition. I admire your scholarship in that the Christological conclusions of the Council of Nicaea were ultimately determined in the rape pit beneath the Vatican Basilica di Santa Croce of Gerusalemme. The rape pit in modern places of worship, now called The Holy Vestry, is still enjoyed by priests and children to this day.

Don McDermott said...

I only hope that hard earned tax payer money does not have to pay for protection in this endeavor.
In the traditional Rush to save the hapless:
Money could be saved by the invention of a type of diaphragm and poor Mel would not be tasked with the carrying of a complete assortment of condoms in all sizes.